the FIRST TIME I MASTURBATED.

I can’t quite remember how I found them? I think I was looking for my dad’s machete or his fake - but looked so real that when I chased my mates around the house with it they screamed like girls – pistol. My father was colourful. Anyway that’s when I stumbled upon his pirated VHS 70’s porn collection. It was bad in the most amazing way. Back then I thought I was getting turned on by the thought of emulating the male fucking the female, not fantasizing about fucking the male himself. When it comes to straight porn I still sit on the fence in regards to that fine detail. I never didn’t enjoy sex with women, I was just more overwhelmed by sex with men. Which leads me to the FIRST TIME I MASTURBATED.

The first time I ever masturbated was a mistake. I had no idea what was happening and then with the sticky aftermath – what had happened. Only it happened again exactly the same way. I was doing crunches in my dad’s, then rather smaller scale, gym and I was topless. (Yes, that trade mark started in my early teens.) The motion, or the sight of my promised abs, or both or neither got me hard. My little fella was rubbing against my shorts every time I crunched. And I tell you what; exercising had never felt so gratifying! Until years later I graduated to the ‘big’ boys locker room ethics that opened a whole new world. Getting back to the subject at hand though, for months I thought this weird and enjoyable sensation was only achievable through this method. Fuck, did I have a hard stomach when I was young.